I woke up on Sunday morning in a total funk – total. There was no good reason for this in that there was an email from my hero Chris, two from my friend Lynne and one from Tracey. So it was the same as getting presents – because I (previously admitted) crave attention. Tracey wrote with good news, we are going to yoga in Kits next week – I mean who needs the Equinox? And she told me that she liked my blog and was looking forward to the prose and poem which will emerge from the chance encounter at the Contemporary Art Gallery. I did tell her I was in a funk and did analyze the situation.
I do think that it is the result of watching a fantastic British program called Silent Witness. The intricate plot involved child abuse – three or four scenarios including one where a grandfather had incestuous relationships with, not only his daughter, but also his granddaughter. He was eventually discovered and did meet his just reward – somebody hit him over the head with a brick. The most poignant moment though was when the abused daughter spoke to her mother (the grandmother). She said: I was a little girl – you were meant to protect me. My father raped me, then my daughter.” I sobbed with recognition as that is one of my major premises. Of course, the abuser is detestable but there is not enough attention paid to the fact that the mother allows it – often encourages it That is true in my situation. Back Story can be found on my June 17,2018 post. So my mother did not protect me and it appears that another woman did not protect her daughter from my father.
But that was then, and this is now. I mentioned to Tracey that I was thinking of going back to sleep.
She: Sorry to hear that!The extra sleep will help.
Me: You are so great. Yes I did go to sleep and yes it did help SO much. I think I will be lazy today though. I really push myself too hard sometimes – the silly gym being an example. I am going to read he article on money laundering that you sent. You are so thoughtful!
So then I wisely decided to count my blessings and they are many:
Chris’ email was full of delights. He will put together the ‘new’ book on the Levy Collection, some Emily Carr and maybe some David Milne for me. He did such an incredible job on In Contemplation and In Conversation. And he is so funny.
Me: I am trying to plan when to visit – playing with the schedule of others. I was thinking November but perhaps the first week of December. Promise NOT to get the flu – hahahaha – remember you did last year.
He: I will try not to get the flu. Promise Xx
Me; You made me giggle promising to try not to get the flu. I am so glad that you are going to do the book. It inspires me.
Tracey sent this link from the Toronto Star. https://www.thestar.com/vancouver/2018/08/12/stop-being-flippant-and-work-with-ndp-to-fight-money-laundering-weaver-tells-bc-liberals.html
That is so gratifying on so many levels, for one thing it does prove I am not altogether crazy. I sent the link to friend Lynne as she lives here and she is smart and has a good perspective. She and I are going to see the new movie Rich and Crazy Asians. She told me about the book months ago and I think I may need some moral support when watching.
I am planning a trip to the Bay Area for medical appointments, dental appoints, to see my financial planner and to see some friends. My dance card is filling up. I called my doctor’s office to make an appointment – I will be seeing him the first day he is back from his vacation.
Me: Oh thank you for scheduling me. I am so, so happy you are there for me.
She: We are! We are!
I hang up the phone and began to cry – it was not tears of sorrow but tears of gratitude. So it is possible to have a life of meaning and happiness but every once in a while you watch a television show and it you are reduced to misery. But then the next day people from near and far pull you out of it and you go on. To spread joy, that is what many people in Vancouver say to me, that I spread joy. I did it in London as well and that is why many are happy I am returning. I was not constantly joyous at all when I lived in California but, nonetheless, people talk about being excited that I am coming to visit – more than one person actually,
I am all over Instagram was well. Yesterday I posted the picture below It is a copy of a one I wrote to a little girl of about 10 who has huge aspirations, she a little Indian girl, wants to be a dot and told me all about it when we first met a couple of months ago. I sent the note home with her father, he is the chef at one of my very favorite restaurants. One woman liked the post
She: it can mean a lot when you write a genuine and beautiful note like that
Me: Thank you so much! and she is a little Indian girl of about 10 – a darling.