I Met the Funniest Man Walkng Down Richards Street; Thong Underwear; An Invective Against St. Paul’s Hospital Emergency Room; Ending with Something Unbelievable Involving a Laugh

I actually have such fun writing this blog and sometimes wonder what in the world would I do without it. My wonderful computer guru Chris emailed that he is going to work on formatting it – he volunteered. I wrote him and said: I am surrounded by able and excellent professionals and you are one of them. It is so terribly true.

I was walking home from the gym where I was training with another talented professional, my Hottie. A man said:

He: I love your umbrella

Me: I love your jacket. It is so colourful.

He: Thank you!

Me: You are welcome! Have you noticed how horribly people dress? It is either drab and awful or garish!

He: I totally agree!

Me: But it doesn’t bug me that much anymore. I just figure it makes me look better dressed and people appreciate my taste.

He: That is a good way to look at it.

So then we talked about all kinds of things including the corruption in Vancouver and then veered toward a discussion of homosexuality,

He: Well, I was supposed to be gay

Me: What happened?

He: Instead I became flamboyantly straight.

Me: OMG that is so funny! I guess that is what I am as well. I am going to blog that.

He: Go right ahead.

So we resolved to have lunch one day and exchanged data. He said he would pay. I told him about my paying for the first lunch with multibillionaire Joo Kim Tiah. Needless to say he laughed, he apparently had met him once or twice. So it is a small world. Honestly, all of these things happen to me. I guess I am lucky that way.

This was an actual conversation that took place in the women’s dressing room at the Equinox about two weeks ago. I have been saving it. Often women sit at mirrors in various forms of undress putting on make up. I dared myself to say this to one woman who was wearing thong underwear.

Me: I just don’t get thong underwear. It must crawl up your bum.

She: That is so funny! It actually does.

Me: I am never, and I mean, never going to wear thong underwear!

She: Well we all have to have our standards and our rules.

Me: Yes! Once I saw a tombstone at the Watt’s Gallery near London which said: “How High the Sky”, How neat is that – not somebody’s mother, wife, or whatever, but that uplifting message.

She: Yes, something like that would be a good idea.

Me: Well, I was going to be cremated but I think instead I will get buried and my tombstone will read: “She never wore thong underwear!”

She: What a good idea!

Me: But I did want to have my ashes in Scotland.

She: Well, maybe you could go half and half.

Me: Good idea! But what half where?

She: Well, obviously the bottom half with the thong underwear tombstone.

Me: Of course, why did I not think of that?

Truly, that conversation took place on West Georgia Street between Butte and Thurlow. The conversation was interspersed with gales of laughter. It was so unlikely. I think I bring out the worst in people.

So I am profoundly angry at the treatment I received at St. Paul’s Emergency Room last Saturday evening. An Instagram video relays a conversation I had with the ‘attending physician’.I am being perfectly nice and say that I have waited so long to be seen that I have now recovered. He haughtily replies that they have the fastest Emergency Room waiting time in the country. Well, what difference does that make when I am released at two o’clock in the morning with a misdiagnosis?!?! When I mentioned to wonderful Wednesday doctor what the ER doctor said (and did in the course of my stay there) a look of disgust flooded his face. He said nothing but the look said it all. Then I found out something from a proficient Yellow Cab taxi driver. He said that taxis ignore calls from St. Paul’s Emergency Room late at night because it is usually addicts who do not pay the bill, shoot up in the cab and are unpleasant. I am sure that the taxi cab driver was not lying. Trust me the ER was full of addicts on Saturday. How irresponsible of St. Paul’s to release people under such conditions. I cannot change the world, I cannot change St. Paul’s but I can speak out and speak the truth. And I do.

Now this you are never going to believe but my reality testing is excellent. I called the office of the Wonderful Wednesday Doctor, to see what happened with my MRI referral. I left a message and immediately received a call back. His guy was so helpful and told me to call the hospital on Monday, and if no referral was there to call him back. We began chatting and laughing with one another.

He: I am going to ask you a strange question

Me:. OK.People ask me strange questions all the time.

He: Did you ever go to a play on Commercial about Love?

Me: Well, yes I did! It was when I was first in Vancouver and I went with my high school friend Lynne and her husband.

He: Well I was there with my ten year old niece. I absolutely knew it was you by your laugh.

Me: OMG you are kidding! I know I have the loudest laugh in Vancouver and before that I had the loudest laugh in London because I laugh from my diaphragm (apparently).

He: And you said the sweetest things to my niece.

Me: That is so amazing, you made my day. People say I make their day all of the time but YOU made my day.

He also said that it was no wonder that his employer and I got along so well because we both are so funny. I told him to say Hi to his boss from me. He said he would. I did email Lynne with the caption: You will NEVER believe this. I have not heard back but she sleeps strange hours, the advantage being she is there in the middle of the night to give and receive emails from St. Paul’s Hospital.

So why do I write this blog? Well, to entertain but also to speak the truth. It is a lethal combination. So there! So there! So there! There will be no picture attached because I do not have a photograph of thong underwear. But there is a picture taken at St. Paul’s of the Acute Behavioral Stabilization Unit. I was not in that part, I was on the other side of the door.

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