More than one person, many actually, has opined that I am charismatic. Most recently, one person from the UK and therefore not overly demonstrative and not a flatterer just told me that I have charisma. I am coming, therefore, to believe it. To the extent that I decided to look it up AND Holy Cow. It is a big deal; perhaps to big for me as I am 74 and born in Saskatchewan. (I love saying that to Cousins Gail and Faye, they were as well.)
This is what it means according to several definitions found on the Internet.
1. a person who possesses special traits that attract, inspire, or fascinate other people : a person possessing charisma
•One of those people like Teddy Roosevelt or Mick Jagger. He was just one of those great charismatics who turned heads and dominated a room-Dan Aykroyd
2. exercising a compelling charm which inspires devotion in others.
“he was a charismatic figure with great appeal to the public”synonyms: fascinating, full of personality, strong in character, charming.
3. Compelling attractiveness or charm that can inspire devotion in others.
‘he has tremendous charisma and stage presence’
4. To have a undescribed magnetism that consistently draws people closer; usually it cannot be pinpointed or described.
“I don’t know what it is about Chandra’s personality that makes me want to talk to her all the time — it must be some type of charisma or something
5. Overall momentum of a person’s appearance; overall sexiness.
Rachel: Wow, Mike has some real charisma!
Lexi: Yeah, I’m so turned on!
So, as we Canadians say: There you go! But I do not know whether to agree or disagree with those that define me as charismatic. This I do know, I was not always this way but have no idea when it might have begun. I think during my 2014-2017 stay in London. It is my personal belief that charismatic people do not really give a d*** what other people think of them and this aloofness holds them in good stead. Self confidence is another attribute which in my case is pride in what I have overcome and pride in my integrity and honesty. But it is a rough row to hoe and not for the faint of heart. Why? It is because a charismatic woman is disdained by misogynistic men and jealous women and some days it feels like they are in the majority. Furthermore, misogyny and jealousy can pop up suddenly even within one’s colleagues and old friends. I guess if I knew how to get rid of this charisma – I would do so. But I am stubborn and I turn the corner and there is someone else who wants to be close to me and/or is attracted by me.
The trait got me in trouble, I guess it was that and I suppose it was trouble. My blog post of September 14, 2017 announced that I was a regular correspondent with Joo Kim Tiah, a thirty-seven year old who just happens to be a multi-billionaire. We exchanged hundreds of emails over an almost five month period of time. But here is the trouble. I have come to believe that it was not him that I was corresponding with – I think he hired someone at the end of August 2017. It was him in the beginning but not in the end. I first suspected this in early September and spoke to my friend Bruce about the difference in tone and quality. Bruce had a rather complicated psychological theory about it all but, of course, he could not comprehend the ways of the super rich. It is apparently quite commonplace.
The effect this had on me is difficult to describe. It was, and is, disorienting and feels like a betrayal of the highest order. Who was it that a grew fond of? Who did I share secrets with? Who did I make promises to? Who was it that promised me things? I suppose I will never know. One cannot imagine how it feels.
But onto more mundane matters. I am incredibly angry with Apple. At the moment I do not have my Apple email that I rely upon totally because they say my iCloud storage is full and will not allow me to upgrade due to some stupid glitch. It is unworkable without great effort and hours on the phone to Apple Support. So I am here in London cut off of everything. Again, a betrayal. Besides that it is snowing out. Yeah snowing and on car boot sale day. I am p*ssed and on that high note will cease this post.