In some ways the view from the windows of my new apartment beats the views from the 19th floor of the Trump International Hotel. The scenery at the Trump was better but the buildings were boring, mostly office buildings, or unoccupied apartments. Here there are many lived in apartments and it is rather warm and cozy to watch other human beings live their lives. I do not have the benefit of binoculars so there is nothing nitty gritty going on that I can see, just people walking, lazing and lolling about. It is rather soul satisfying. I am beginning to feel quite neighborly with this one guy across the way. I have early morning waking insomnia so I am prowling at 3 a.m. My neighbor is often up at this ungodly hour. I don’t think there will be any way for me to figure out the whys and wherefores of his human condition, but who knows?Perhaps I can float out one of my blog cards.
This is only week one of my status as apartment dweller and already I have become more solitary – I suppose more ordinary. Cherishing my alone time, finally relaxing and realizing how inwardly exhausted I truly am, how complicated my life had become and how emotionally drained I am. I am repairing myself, on the retreat from usurious relationships and becoming safe in the bosom of my good friends. Many, if not most, are new friends but they are true and faithful and have an uncanny ability NOT to tell me how I should be living my life.
I came home to a fascinating new study emanating from the University of California Berkeley. It was on my computer (of course) but my computer was it home and it took some alone time to read and digest. Scientists have decided that human emotion is far more complex than originally imagined. Psychology professor Dacher Keltner, an expert in human emotions found that there were 27 distinct dimensions, not six, to account for feelings in response to a video in a study conducted with hundreds of subjects. Not only that, but emotional experiences are interconnected, richer and more nuanced than thought, They found a rich array of emotional states, ranging from nostalgia to felling ‘grossed out.’ Here is a list of the twenty-seven identified emotions: admiration, adoration, aesthetic appreciation, amusement, anger, anxiety, awe, awkwardness, boredom, calmness, confusion, craving, disgust, empathic pain, entrancement, excitement, fear, horror, interest, joy, nostalgia, relief, romance, sadness, satisfaction, sexual desire, surprise.
I pondered each and every emotion and realized that the preoccupation I feel for a certain unnamed individual is based upon a combination of two emotions: empathic pain and entrancement. It was freeing because when one can label anything, even an emotion, it makes it more containable, more workable. Empathic pain does me in. I feel so much for someone else’s situation that it causes me pain. It is a useless emotion because it is impossible for anyone to change someone else’s life. I feel I am on the road to recovery.
How serious this post. I shall switch and share with you an email emanating from the Trump International Hotel. I was there on a brief visit but was thrown into a cab and sent home. I do admit that I was being overly sensitive but I wrote in indignation to CCC and Triple P. The subject line was: You guys were trying to get rid of me. CCC did a basic denial but Triple P tried a different tactic.
Triple P. How cute were you today! although, last time you told me you purchased four brand new pairs of sunglasses. I was hoping you would show them off.
Me: My darling, not four new pairs of sun glasses instead four new pair of glasses. I did not know you would be there today when I was there. I promise, honest to goodness gracious, that the next time I see you I shall wear one of my new pair. I need a schedule board but the next time you are there will be on Monday during the day??? And then? Or I could give you a peekaboo look on a corner in OUR neighborhood. I laugh! The Spectacle Girl (hahahahaha)
Choices? Red/black/tortoise shell/colorful cheaters. Nothing particularly Asian – I like my men Asian, my glasses Caucasian. hahahahaha
Triple P. The Spectacle Girl! lol that is a great name for you. You certainly live up to that title.
“I like my men Asian, my glasses Caucasian” you will never stop surprising me.
Me: If it is any comfort to you whatsoever – I never stop surprising myself. I almost died laughing when I wrote “I like my men Asian etc etc. etc” . OF COURSE, thinking of you and all those other Asian guys. I am in bed and I am not getting out of it for days. Well day – and let the record reflect I am in it alone.
I did not tell Triple P a lie. I spent most of the day yesterday in bed writing and finished almost all of my Tate book edits. I am so proud of myself. The picture is of the fireplace in my new apartment. I am so lucky.
